Archive | May, 2011

Failures.

17 May

“These people honour me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me” Matthew 15:8

Oh how much I pray that this verse does not include me. I know I don’t read my Bible enough, I don’t pray enough, I don’t do my devotional every day. How is it possible that I cannot find time enough to draw near to God; the One who has saved my life. The One who has turned my world upside-down. This God who gave His Son to be crucified horrifically in order to pay for my ignorance and negligence. As long as I try to “find” myself some time, I will never get anywhere. I have to stop in every day and make time. Only then will I know Jesus Christ in a real and moving way. I seem to keep putting it off, thinking that once I get the answers to my questions it will be better. Every time I get closer I take a step back, searching for another thing that cannot be. I’m starting to realize, however, that I don’t need to know the answer to everything. If I keep waiting for every answer I will never get there. I have to learn to trust. Something I have never been good at. I have to trust that every one of those questions is answered with Jesus. 

A post I never really finished..

17 May

Sometimes I wonder what I’m doing. Where I’m going. What I’m really doing with my life. I mean, in the grand scheme of things. I could talk for many hours (yes, I do tend to talk a lot) about what my day consists of, the things I’ve done in my life, the places I’ve been and the people I’ve met, the things i’m stressing about, the things I love, the things I don’t love, what I plan for the future…

People, places and faces. My world in many phrases.

But this new lifestyle, its knocked a new wind into me. One that questions every part of me. Every part of everything.

Sure I’m living for today. Yes, of course I’m living for tomorrow. And I’m living for my schooling, my friends, my jobs, my boyfriend, my family, my success… but what I really want to live for is something else.

you see, what I really want is something worth living for. I want to live for Him.

I know that with all my heart, this isn’t where I want to be. Meg, you’ll understand what I mean when I say a capitalistic world, as it is something we have discussed in Social Justice. In a world of people that live only for their own purpose.

Yes, I have worldly desires in my heart. but with every quick or drawn-out breath I take, I want it to be for God. Sure He has a plan, or so I’ve been told, but I want to create change. I’m tired of this small circle, I want to be used by Him in every corner of this Earth. I want to meet people on the other side of the world, I want to see the beauty of the it, instead of the back of my classmates heads. I want to shake the world and  say ” what are you living for? Jesus died for you!”

Instead, I have projects, and people who really just don’t care at all. People who don’t want to get to know me, people who don’t want to talk about God, people who do know me and don’t care. People who are only focused on the world, or rather, their world.